The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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