Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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