Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
