Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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