it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
