And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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