I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
