I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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