I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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