I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
