Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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