So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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