his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
