a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
