there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a search helicopter?!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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