My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
