Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
