i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
