The maid of honor just puked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
