12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize