i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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