I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
