went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
