Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
