Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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