I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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