i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize