pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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