Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
