I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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