It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize