After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
