Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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