he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
