My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
