I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
