my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
