OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
