I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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