I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
