yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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