Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
