I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
