Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize