we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
