I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
