shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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