I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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