3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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