loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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