____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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