I faked an abortion last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
