just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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