Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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