i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
