? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
