Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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