fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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