thus making me awesome and them whores
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
