what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
