there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
