i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
