Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
