so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
