i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
