Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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