smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
