I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
