Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
