we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
