i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize