i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
