I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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