i permit you to call me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
